Hood Hospital weekly huddle up gather round circle jerk!
Hey nurses! Great job on being totally awesome and getting us stroke certified! So, you know how you guys did that education and only got payed for half of it because you're our bitches and we threatened and intimidated you? Well, not only did you do that, but you also voluntarily remembered some information and were able to recite it to some people with money, so great job! Way to go! Pat yourselves on the back!
Oh. B-T- Dubs, even though we'll be getting like, lots more money because of that stroke certification you worked so hard to get, we're eliminating all bonus and cutting down strictly on overtime during the busiest time of year. Yeah, we figured since you aren't getting a Christmas bonus we might as well get you something, and that something is a figurative ass raping with no lube. We'll be thinking of you and your atrociously understaffed coworkers in this most special of seasons, while we watch our eight year olds open the Ipads we bought with the money we saved on your overtime pay. Yes, we truly hold you dear in our hearts when we attempt to fill the void where our souls once were with 20 dollar mimosas. We think about the verbal and physical assault you will most surely endure when the inevitable 6 hour average wait times return to your ED because you don't have enough nurses available to take care of the patients. We sincerely mean it when we say we couldn't stick it to you so hard if you didn't take it. Thanks for all that you do.
Sincerely, Hood Hospital upper management
Holy crap guys. 2 glasses of wine hasn't killed the rage yet. Should I go for 3?