Saturday, November 27, 2010

I mean, really

Sometimes I just wonder about the fate of humanity and whether at some point we aren't just going to devolve to the point that we're so stupid that we just run off a cliff in mass like effin lemmings.
Nights when people do things like come in on an ambulance drunk for knee pain they've had 5 years. When this man was automatically discharged by the ER doctor for being foolish, he then refused to leave the room because he claimed he couldn't walk on his knee, despite the fact that EMS made him walk in from the ambulance bay, where he was walked to triage and back from triage to the room in which he was currently sitting. Yeah, stuff like that.
Or when people call the hospital operator threatening suicide from the telephone in their family member's rooms on the med floor who then proceed to assault the staff responding to the call attempting to help them. This fool acted so crazy that medics responding to the call couldn't even get him on a stretcher to get him down to the ER, so the police had to cuff him to the recliner in the room and push him into the elevator. When he finally got downstairs, about 5 people had to sit on him in addition to the cuffs and ankle restraints to keep him from punching, headbutting, and biting those of us trying to get vital signs.
Don't let me forget the people with absolutely no clue as to their family members med history. I'm not asking for everyone's family member to be a doctor or nurse, but basic comprehension of how any human body might work would be nice. EMS brought an unresponsive lady last night- apparently when they asked family if they knew anything about medical history, this is seriously what they came up with and put in writing:
"She had some fluid on her leg due to depression.
One time B4, she fainted once about 6 yr ago."
Um, no. I don't think that's it at all.
Or how about taking out your own IV, running from the ER, and attempting to stop the bleeding with the surface wipes that say "NOT FOR HUMAN SKIN" on them in giant red letters. No, that can't be good on open flesh.

Oh, and I nearly forgot possibly the winner for dumbest person of them night. This is a real conversation that someone had on the phone with one of our clinical secretaries:
Secretary: Hello, this is hood hospital, how can I help you?
Patient:Yes, is Mary (another secretary) there?
Secretary: Um, no sir.
Patient: Well, is big bulgarian doctor there?
Secretary: Sir, we can't disclose that information for security reasons.
Patient:But I'm a regular patient there.
Secretary: Sir, this is an ER, not a doctor's office, there are no regular patients here.
Patient: Well, see, I'm in (city on the other side of the US) and I'm pretty sure I'm passing a kidney stone.
Secretary: Well, sir, we can't really do anything for you when you're on the other side of the country. You'll have to go to another ER in the city you're currently in.
Patient: Oh. Well, I'm low on gas. But I'm in a lot of pain. Do you think I should go in?
Secretary: Sir, I can't make that decision for you.
Patient: Well, I'm just really low on gas.
Secretary: I'm sorry to hear that. Good luck. Go somewhere in the city you're in.

Yeah, wow. Lord help us.


  1. Ha! Great post! I know these people annoy and frustrate you....but I sure enjoy it when you rant!

    Keep the faith! You make a difference to more people than you know.

  2. Job security! Had one call in last year, rambled on about coming in but didn't want to wait. I guess the person answering was sick of the shit and told them that we had an appt. at 915p open. The patient took the appt, and upon arrival told the triage nurse he had an appt. Triage nurse proceeded to bust out laughing.

  3. That's awesome. I really wanted to get on the phone and tell the guy to standby, that we would wire him some dilaudid instantly if he hooked the telephone wire up to his vein.