But I'm just gonna come out and say it. If you're my age (24), on kid number 5, and you can't refrain from coming to my ER with sobbing with a blood alcohol three times the legal limit- yeah. You've pretty much failed at life so far. Especially when you do this often enough that your mother in law has to take care of your 5 kids full time, yet you can't hold your booze enough to not try and jump out of the bed non stop to try to hit me in my face.
I will humbly clean up your piss and gently tell you stop whenever you try to crush my fingers because I'm trying to make sure your circulation still looks good after the soft wrist restraints I had to put on you. But in my mind, I am totally thinking you're an asshat. Yeah. Sorry about that.