I had her long enough that I had to try and start her admission assessment, and with every new question found out about a new medical problem that we didn't know about before, but no one knew when or how it was treated and what it was called, and the daughter was trying to give me her very limited knowledge of her mothers medical information while at the same time screaming at some poor police officer on the phone about how her car was stolen. My relatively simple constipation via EMS most definitely turned out to not only have a massive bowel obstruction requiring surgery, but she also was in renal failure. FML.
So this morning over beers, we had this conversation.
Me: Yeah, you need to find some safe place to put me where the train wreck crazy patients won't find me.
Charge nurse buddy: Yeah, like your house.
Well, yeah, it's probably the only way. Could you go ahead and pay me though?