Thursday, May 26, 2011

Efficient Fuckery

Hood Hospital. EMS patient with 10/10 chest pain s/p smoking too much crack. ER doc fed up at foolishness capacity for the evening. Deliriously tired ER nurses. These are their stories.
Hood nurse: M'am, do you have any medical problems?
Pt: Quit asking me fucking questions. I just came here cuz my chest pain and my headache and I been pissin all over the place and I'm outta hydros. Don't none of that shit matter. Look it up in my records.
Hood nurse: Ma'am. I can't start treating your condition until I have some basic information about you.
ER doctor: Ma'am, you know I'm not going to give you any narcotics this visit.
Pt: Fine, fuck you then doctor, I'll just go to another doctor to get some more hydro. I'll buy it on the street with some more crack. I'll go to another hospital, I got that Medicaid. Fuck all of you, I hate hood hospital, I just came up here for my blood pressure and that ambulance fix it.
Hood nurse: So do are you saying you wanna leave then?
ER doctor: Yeah, you just have to sign this form.
Pt: Yeah. You motherfuckers can't make me stay here (DC'ing own EMS line, the single one this crew has started in the last 2 years).
And this took all of about 8 minutes. The one thing you can say about crackheads, at least they don't waste any time.

1 comment:

  1. At Mayberry's hospital, all the crackheads get counseled by the House Super for all the reasons they should stay and be treated for their chest pain. So do all the back pain patients who want Dillydad.