Hood Hospital Lockdown

Hey guys! Here comes multiple walk in gunshot wounds! Hooray! Obviously, these fine citizens were just minding their own business when a bunch of dudes came out of nowhere and opened fire (does it ever happen any other way?) Point is, we have a shooter still at large. No one can say what he looks like, because no one knows him, because they were just going on down to the local homeless shelter to do some volunteer work to earn their eagle scout service badges when a gang of hoodlums, probably wearing masks, started shootin'. So what does that mean? It means the MF-in hospital is on lockdown, y'all. That's right, granny who stepped out to call your son. You can't go back and see pappy until this "security situation" gets to a cardiothoracic surgeon, so, just have a seat for a second. Sorry.

Great. So, who enforces the ER lockdown? The hospital police? (cue cricket sounds now).

No, silly! I do! You know, the one who still gets questioned on a weekly basis as to whether I've graduated high school yet? Nothing says "unquestionable authority" like the girl dressed in a jacket from the children's department. Registration knows this, which is why they direct all the verbally abusive folks who can't go back to see their family members right now to me. Also because it takes the letters "RN" behind your name to explain basic security measures, and most grown ass men respond to being sworn at with "if you have a problem, ask the nurse." Seriously? F you, buddy.

And what happens when you call the hospital police and suggest that they might, like, I don't know, like, maybe, one of the five of you might want to post up at this here door that's the only way in and out since you're the only one with that shiny badge and gun? Or something? Naw, it's cool. I feel much better having you tell me "I'm here if you need me", after which you immediately stand outside, away from the waiting room madness and then stand there talking to your buddies for two minutes and then leave because the person who was just screaming obscenities in my face already left before you got here. Cool.

So, for the sake of clarity, we're locking down the ER because we're worried about an armed gunman coming in here and finishing the job, and we're leaving the job to an unarmed nurse. Okay, so if the shooter comes in and pulls his weapon, I'll just disarm him with one hand and stab him in the neck with one of registration's ball point pens using my lighting fast reflexes and extensive nurse combat skillz. Great, but can I get an extra dollar an hour for being triage sheriff please?