Thursday, January 5, 2012

Choices

So, last night world famous emesis bag nurse turned charge presents to me this scenario: crayzee frequent flyer or broken penis?
And I replied, "Busted penis it is! Bring it on!"
And so it went. The penis? Super broken. Bleeding more than I would have thought. IVs were started, pain meds were delivered, preoperative things were prepared, paperwork was filled out in a frenzy, reports were called. I ran back and forth for about an hour straight. I sat down at the end of the insanity to see that crayzee frequent flyer was pretty much given a stat discharge by my favorite doctor EVAR sans ridiculous workup or that one D medicine that is the only thing that can cure the body aches associated with the common flu (yes really).
I regret nothing. Yup, I had to do way more work, but in the end I got to make a very nice gentlemen with a very legitimate emergency feel better, versus listening to some crazy douche whine about how no one takes her pain seriously while pretending to nod sympathetically or whatever.
And really, pee breaks are for pansies anyway.

12 comments:

  1. You definitely made the right choice. Helping people genuinely in need of the ER > douchey frequent flyers, any day.

    Plus, you obviously get to tell lots of penis jokes to your coworkers after this one. Win win.

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  2. Gimme a good septic, no blood pressure-havin' trainwreck GI-bleeding Coumadin user any day over one of the regulars. F 'em.

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  3. I'm going to have to agree with you and K here... I'll take a crapload of work with a trainwreck over a healthy whiner any day.

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  4. Ouch! I"ve gotta ask...how did it happen? The few that I have seen usually had an interesting back story.

    DocV

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  5. More to the point...how the hell did they guy "super break" his penis?

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  6. I would make the same choice, good for you. Sick of the whiny D medicine seeking douchetards, SO bored with their histrionics.

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  7. Apparently he and his wife got, um, out of sync during intercourse. Which is incidentally the most common cause. I thought this article summed it up pretty well when I was reading up on this when I got home yesterday: http://www.askmen.com/sports/health_200/232_penis-fracture.html

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  8. EVERY MALE READER IS CRINGING RIGHT NOW

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  9. SerenityNowHospitalJanuary 7, 2012 at 2:51 PM

    I read his operation note the other day to see how he did. It sounds like a horrifying operation. "Degloved the penis" (meaning they took all the skin off), "repaired the urethra", "reattached the corpus spongiosum", "reattached the foreskin." OUCH. This guy was hung like a horse. They could have taken off half his thing and he would still be fine. Imagine the recovery for this kind of surgery. Standard missionary for here on out for me. I dont have as much to spare as he does.

    ER Doc

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  10. We too pulled up those notes, most of my internet research consisted of unsuccessfully trying to figure out how they fixed it. Now that I know, I kind of wish I was a little less curious about such things. That shit is chilling.

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  11. LOL! Oh. My. Gawd.

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