How to NOT Get a Cab Voucher

-Take the ambulance here for a complaint 100% secondary to you being an idiot

-Your idea of asking nicely is "go get me a voucher"

-You think you're being very cunning when you tell me and other staff members "The doctor said she'd get us a cab voucher" (world-famous emesis bag nurse's response: "the doctors tell everyone that so they can get out of the room and not have to deal with you anymore.")

-Five of your family members magically showed up here after you came in on an ambulance and you want us to get all of you turds a ride home. One, it's good for one person only. Two, how the hell did the rest of you get here in the first place? Wait, I don't care.

-The last time you were here and we said no to a cab voucher, your spouse suddenly started having a chronic back pain flare up and decided to check in.

-You mention you live within walking distance.

-And always, number one, forever: Say something about how you always get a cab voucher. Say it. Please. I will make sure that you DO NOT get a cab voucher. I will eat the cab voucher. I will make you fish the cab voucher out of the sharps container or the bio waste bin. I swear. Ever wonder why your hospital visits cost so much? It's because of shit like this. It's because there are actually assholes out there that come to the ER routinely for stupid bullshit, are sent home for stupid bullshit, and act foolish enough that we ALWAYS pay their way home. Then when some poor little old granny who would never think to ask for a cab voucher and actually needs one to get home because she can't drive and has no family in the area, we don't have any more cab vouchers because we gave them all to the same douchebag who keeps calling an ambulance for non emergent foolishness. Whatever. I'm over it. Point is, I will say no. Nope. No cab voucher for you. You can think about your life choices and what is owed to you while you walk your ass home. Bye.