Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Choose Your Own Adventure

So, say you decide one evening to smoke some crack cocaine and then break into a house and steal some stuff. The home owners return to find you digging through their belongings and just generally doing other crackhead type stuff. At this point, you're faced with a decision. Do you:

A. Surrender and wait for the police to arrive.
B. Try to make a run for it; or
C. Throw yourself on the ground, pretend to writhe in pain, curl into fetal position and scream about stomach ulcers.

A and B would almost certainly result in criminal charges. But, if you chose C, like the man I took care of last night, you might be a secret crackhead genius. See, if you act a big enough fool you will avoid being taken to jail and will instead be taken to hood hospital by fire rescue unescorted because frankly, the police don't have time to deal with your ass. You might as well dive off the stretcher multiple times and demand pain medicine, and kick the trashcan in your room at the staff when they don't respond to your screaming as quickly as you may like. We will take it, because that's what we're forced to do here. You may get an unnecessary IV start, but overall, it's better than the pokey.


  1. Holy smokes, the things you witness during your time there!

  2. Or you can swallow your rock and we will introduce you to Mr. GoLytely. Just another way to have fun in the ER.

  3. I will keep that in mind for the next time I smoke crack and get caught breaking into someone's house.