Sunday, April 10, 2011

There But For The Grace of God Go I

Ugh. It's been a rough week and I'm feeling kind of meh. Took care of a 14 year old who attempted suicide last night. I see stuff like this pretty regularly, but occasionally the gravity of all of it hits me. She had old cuts on her arms. It gnawed at me for a good part of the night and I didn't really understand why. Then I realized, it could have been me. I knew that sad, lost vacant look because I felt that way when I was her age, too. I can't really tell you what kept me from being there but I can tell you I'm lucky not to be.
My psych instructor used to tell us we were one bad day from being on the other side of the doors. She, like many psych nurses, was nuts too, so I didn't pay her much mind but it's true. So much of where we are is blind luck. I'm one of the lucky ones. I should be as thankful as I am today everyday, but I'm not.


  1. I unfortunately don't believe we walk that fine of a line, but none the less it is pretty scary.

  2. It's interesting that some feel not so much that always make me wonder, because I had the same sort of upheaval early in life too. There were choices that I could have made that would have had me land in that situation, but I fought it as hard as I could. Those were the days that you just didn't go for counselling or therapy.

    Those who are privileged to sail easily though life are those who really can't appreciate wholly what those who struggle - go through.

  3. Absolutely the line is that fine. I straddled it at 14, and at 43 I still have my days. Bless you for what you do for these folks. It takes a special kind of something to do your job and stay relatively sane. Thank you.