Thursday, October 6, 2011

Shortness of Breath

Yup, patients, you may have heard of this little thing we use in ER called the ABCs. Meaning, we prioritize based on airway first, followed by breathing, then circulation. So, I suppose you have now inferred that an airway issue would, logically, take priority. Good job! Great intuition on your part. Now, we're glad you chose to be seen at Hood Hospital, and we are here to listen and take your "shortness of breath" seriously. Let me, though, clarify a few things about shortness of breath.
-People who are short of breath are incapable of yelling " I can't motherfucking breathe"repeatedly at a volume that patients at the opposite ends of the ER with their doors closed can hear you in triage.
-People who are short of breath don't generally have the energy to punch the glass at the triage window.
-People who are short of breath do not generally attempt to spit in the face of the nurse trying to evaluate them.
-People who are short of breath do not throw themselves on the ground and fake a seizure when they are told by the nurse that they are indeed satting 100% on room air with clear lung sounds.

So, for future reference, you're on the right track, but you definitely need to modify a few things before you go back to a room immediately. True, you did get seen quickly by a doctor today, but only long enough for him to say that you were, in fact, breathing fine, before the police hauled you off to jail, which I doubt was your goal.

On a related note, a quick hypothetical- If a 90 pound crackhead can break the "protective glass" in your triage area with a single punch, is it still fair to call it protective glass? Just something to think about.

12 comments:

  1. One way ticket with bracelets to boot—what a great way to end a day.

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  2. Uh really, it's YOUR fault for not talking that crazy patient down before they sucker punched an unsuspecting pane of glass.

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  3. That's about as good as "I haven't been able to breathe for the last 2 weeks!"

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  4. Always funny Hood Nurse but the one about interference on the oximeter from cheeto dust is still my all time favorite.

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  5. I did feel guilty about the fallen glass, but it felt a lot better when engineering came down and fixed it with duct tape.
    Unfortunately, no tasing was involved as no nonsense lady cop was around, and the patient seemed to have worn herself out a little faking that seizure.

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  6. What do you want the patient to punch when they feel too angry?
    Don't feel angry? That's insane.

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  7. They fixed it with duct tape?!? That sounds so redneck (I am from AL originally). I bet you felt so safe and secure after that.

    I do believe that duct tape is the answer for most of life problems, but I don't think it stops bullets or crazed patients who are determined. Stay safe!

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  8. Yup, it was definitely hillbilly ghetto repair at work, but I would expect nothing less at my hospital. Shit, we don't have IV pumps when we need them, I certainly don't expect bulletproof or even a backup pane of glass. ER is already over budget, damn it!

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  9. Your stories remind me of how glad I am to not work in the emergency department on a regular basis. People are just unbelievable sometimes.

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  10. What was her aim? To get a hit of albuterol?

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  11. Better solution would have been to duct tape the glass back together then duct tape the psycho to it (mouth taped shut, of course).

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