Friday, October 21, 2011

Hood Hospital Epidemiology

While speaking to ER BFF during lunch about a patient I'd triaged earlier in the night:
Me: Dude. This chick just checked in for vaginal discharge for a MONTH. And then she left because the wait was too long. Can you imagine that? Like, just letting your cooch rot for an entire month? You just know here normal bacterial flora are now duking it out and mating with whatever kind of STDs are up there, and they're probably gonna meld together and become some kind of gnarly super gonorrhea, and the CDC is gonna come down here and be all up in our business.
ER BFF: Yup, and then it's gonna mutate and become airborne and then we'll be really screwed. They'll have to declare a disaster state down here, and they'll put us in one of those bubbles and stuff-
Me: And then try to set us on fire like that movie Outbreak?
ER BFF: Exactly like that.
So, there it is- if you hear about the government wiping the most ghetto part of a major city on the news (you probably won't, because it'll be a super-secret-covert-black-ops/CDC conspiracy), have a moment of silence for the brave men and women of Hood Hospital, and remember to get your STDs treated promptly. Goodnight and good luck.


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Your Murrow reference bumped this from a solid laugh to something sublime. Holla.

    p.s. - where did my last post go?! sucked into the vacuum of the interwebz, I guess.

  3. The funny part is you were discussing this during lunch :)

  4. Or you could go another way and not get an STD at all...just sayin'.

  5. Lol. Funny we were recently discussing such things at work. One of the nurses I work with was talking about when she worked in L&D a patient who came in with copious green vaginal discharge (and she was pregnant) and was given antibiotics for it. She voiced that she didn't want to take them because her boyfriend liked the taste.

    1. Nooooooooooooooooooooo.. whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!! I'm speechless and disgusted