Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Where We Draw the Line

Listen up, mofos. We will probably give you IV Dilaudid if you act a fool, fake chest pains, or act a fool, fake abdominal pains, or act a fool, pretend to have sickle cell, or act a fool, pretend to have fallen off of a two story building despite the fact you have not an abrasion on your person, see Hood Hospital doctor on duty for complete list. BUT.
We will not, I repeat, WILL NOT, give you IV Dilaudid when you sign AMA from your long term care hospital across the effin' street because they just stopped your IV Dilaudid and you want some more, and then proceed to immediately call the ambulance from your room because you want to go the ER and see if we'll give you some Dilaudid. Yup. The ER doctor will receive a call from your doctor prior to your arrival, despite the 2 minute trip, and meet you at the ambulance bay to be like, "Nope, bye".
Any questions? Oh, and also, it's poor form to sleep during your entire 40 minute visit (the time it took for the private ambulance to come get you to return to sender) while complaining of 10/10 pain.


  1. Ugh......that's still a pretty crappy line, but at least it's drawn somewhere.

  2. Yikes. so glad you guys can catch some of these jerks who make it hard for regular pain people to get adequately treated.

    That said, when I showed up in our ER with acute abdomen, they asked what did I prefer, Dilaudid or morphine. Had not had either-so we went Dilaudid. Never again-worse than black-out drinking. I’ll stick to the morphine, I guess if the need arises again.

    Is that a common reaction? Do people actually like that feeling? Am I the odd one out? (not unusual, btw)

  3. I was trying to explain this to my husband while telling him this story yesterday, actually. I don't get it either. I felt like shit from hydrocodone 5s when I got my wisdom teeth out. We actually had a chick stop in wearing her club gear the other night trying to get a couple of Dilaudid IM's before she hit the dance floor. I dunno dude. I guess I'm too big a control freak for all that.