Monday, July 4, 2011

They're onto me, and they're PISSED

Oh shit y'all, everybody on the internet figured out that I'm a fake nurse a while back, check it out!
Please refer to my HIPAA disclaimer if you have any questions, and let me just say this-
Listen lady, I don't care if you don't respect the fact that I have my CNA and I took one year of medical assisting school at the University of Phoenix, which is totally legit and accredited, by the way, I know, because they put adds on my Facebook page. I'd probably even have my RN but I ran out of student loan money cause I had to use it to pay for my nails and cell phone after my baby daddy # 3 got locked up for stealing car stereos, so money was tight. Especially since I was smoking a lot more then, since pregnancy is really stressful. I mean, seriously, it's not that hard, I've been treated in the ER like 7 times for that PID so I KNOW how hospitals work, okay? I could pass my boards, like, easy if the stupid board of nursing didn't have a restraining order out against me for trying to keeping it real in the testing center when they wouldn't let my take my Zune into the test room. I need to listen to Ke$ha if I'm gonna concentrate, okay, I don't know what's so hard to understand about that. Whatever, I'm over it. So, let me just say that any and all statements on this blog are 100% medically accurate, just like the movie the Human Centipede. Yeah, it is. I read it on the internet, so it's true. Don't judge me. You don't know my life!

Yes. I am completely serious. Shit damn.


  1. I think you just won the internet.

  2. I wish I worked with you. I think we would get along really well. Thanks for the laugh. Keep being awesome!

  3. Yeah, i saw that post on her blog and thought she sounded just like Nurse Ratched, interestingly enough. I tried pointing out your obvious satire to her, but she never responded back -Aaron

  4. Wow...some people apparently don't understand the concept of tongue-in-cheek. I can't believe she thought you were serious...??

  5. Uh, yeah. Sarcasm fail.

  6. Ohh man. It just gets funnier every time I read it. I love how mad she obviously is. Bitch, you don't know how to do my job!

  7. That's the best thing I have read all week... People are just sooo angry these days... lmao How the hell do we know if ANYBODY is what they say? She obviously has nothing better to do then sit and talk crap...jeeez

  8. I REALLY REALLY wish we worked together, LOL. I mean I'm actually not a nurse, but I pretty much only work with nurses and I am about 99 percent sure you'd be one of the coolest!

  9. Hmm. I read a couple posts of hers. Not near as fun and interesting and original as yours. Could be jealousy?

    She's *supposed* to be an ER RN but it sounds like she doesn't do much...and perhaps might not even be an *actual* nurse...but then, we aren't either are we?? ;)

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  11. (oops, i thot i had better correct the post above)

    PS: in canada, "pissed" means "drunk"...either way, you're spot on...

  12. Ladies and gents,

    lets not get into blogger nurse bullying. It's not nice in the real world of nursing and it's not nice here.

    Now on the "obvious satire" presented here, I can understand why not nurse ratched would be offended/concerned by your description. For those of us who take the nursing profession seriously, and blog about serious nursing issues, it could be interpreted as condescending.
    I understand your need for concealing your identity, but many of us have a strong pride in the career we have chosen and the blogs we write that complement them. While I don't condone the "calling out" she did of your "Hipaa", it isn't any better that you turned around and responded tit for tat.
    Are we really going to have a nurse blogger death-match for all of the internet to see?

    Surely this will do nothing for our efforts to have nurses recognized as the professionals we deserve to be seen as.

    Can't we all just get along? Appreciate each nurse blogger for their unique contributions? Embrace each other with respect and if we don't "get" another's style, leave them be?
    We can't expect everyone to blog by our own standards, but can and should expect to be treated with respect, especially by our nursing peers.
    No need for this lateral violence. None at all.

  13. Women are cooperators; we need to remember that as we go thru life in our chosen professions on whatever level we operate. Nurse is a broad term and means much to many different people.

  14. @ nerdy nurse- Dude. Really? Tit for tat? Bullying? Lateral violence? HOLY BALLS I"M JOKING. I just think it's funny that my bullshit is that lost on someone who is obviously an actual intelligent person. Pretty much everything here and on the stupid HIPAA disclaimer is a giant conglomeration of everything patients and their family members who think they're qualified to do my job have said to me, and it pissed me off at the time, too, so I understand an emotional reaction to it, again, I just found it amusing that lots of people, not just notnurserached, took my foolishness as fact. Clearly the ghetto fabulousness of my workplace has made itself a part of my very being. I don't wanna hate on your buddy. Different strokes for different folks, I'm just making fun on being made fun of, cause that's how I deal with, well, most things. Obviously.
    As for a blogger death match, I am totally against it unless we can get a lot of really good sponsors out and get it televised on Pay Per View. I have bills to pay.

    1. "an actual intelligent person"...

      Just because YOU are intelligent, and are a member of a vocation in which many (if not most) other members could be called reasonably intelligent, does not mean random person CLAIMING to be of said vocation is also one of its intelligent members.

      In other words, I stumbled across one of your posts today (while googling some unrelated inanity) and find myself now—some three hours later—STILL reading through your blog, at times laughing out loud and reading excerpts to the fiancée. ^This^ post had me jump over to Not Ratched's blog (and the one she guesties at onlinelpntorn) where I was very nearly bored to tears by her banal, tedious and self-aggrandizing/indulgent/involved (basically add any neg. suffix to self) musings on everything from gadgets to employment to medicine. Trust me, I really tried to find SOMETHING she wrote that was worthy of my time--or, at the very least, mildly interesting--but, alas, even WITH the self-same interests, her writing couldn't hold my attention LET ALONE hold a candle to your easy wit, wryness, and palatable prose.

      Take it from me (I'm a MD—or at least I pretend to be an actor that plays one on TV ;) not everyone who is educated is necessarily smart nor are all bloggers deserving of the platform, NOR is petty, professional jealousy to be rewarded by the objects of envy being gracious and charming to the envier. Shame on you HoodNurse for playing so nice! I know I wouldn't...

  15. "Can't we all just get along? Appreciate each nurse blogger for their unique contributions? Embrace each other with respect and if we don't "get" another's style, leave them be?
    We can't expect everyone to blog by our own standards, but can and should expect to be treated with respect, especially by our nursing peers."

    Really. WTF?! NotNurse's crap was bad enough (can we say stick WAY too far up someone's ass), but your response is literally coffee spewing out my nose funny. But I bet you didn't mean it that way.

  16. Just to add to the commentary:

    "Bullying" exists where there is an "imbalance of power" or harassment based on prejudice or where a person is singled out consistently for persecution. There is none of that here.

    To say this is "bullying" is belittling *actual* bullying.

    When a person directly insults and targets another person in a public forum - they should expect criticism and comments back.

  17. new nurse -
    It's just sometimes hard to decipher, you know?

    There is also a big push by many in the medical blogging community for "full disclosure" and transparency. Basically, there a are a few who expect healthcare providers who blog to the factual and explicitly honesty about every detail of their existence. Anonymous blogging/tweeting is discouraged.

    I think we have to keep our wits about us and a sense of humor. But sometimes our senses of humor differ. But that's the beauty of opinions and open forums such as blogs to discuss them in.

    Interpret it any way you'd like. We could have a discussion about it, but you choose to comment anonymously, which eliminates any real possibility of doing that.

    Fair enough. I suppose I get a little defensive when I fear that someone may be being attacked. Like its my duty to stand up and speak out. I suppose I need to avoid that if not needed.

  18. Nerdy: Uh ok. Because I posted anonymously, you suddenly lost the power of speech or should I say type. Man I am good. I will have to remember that crime fighting trick! Any discussion can happen whether or not I post anon or give you my full name and SSN (but don't hold your breath on that last part). Sheesh.

  19. I've recently read newnurse all the way through in a couple of sittings and when I saw this notnurse comment a bit back I seem to remember that somewhere way back newnurse included the same phrases in a "reply" to a patient or something????? Or am I hallucinating??? Either way - does it matter what her disclaimer is? You really shouldn't believe everything you read in tinterwebs.

  20. Dear Nerdy Nurse:

    You are a crazy person. You can't win the Internet. Go lie down.


  21. Oh Hood Nurse. You are a bamf, which I think I've told you before but obviously still qualifies.

  22. Nerdy Nurse, if anyone was doing any attacking, it was Not Ratched attacking New Nurse. I'm sure you don't mean it this way, but your comments come across as very condescending.

  23. Ratched made her own pointed comments, and Nerdy tried to do some weird passive aggressive grandmother sees both sides thing.

    Nope. Neither of them gets sarcasm, both of them take themselves too seriously.

    Love Hood Nurse. I'd love her if she turned out to be a mechanic, or live blogging from an asylum. Who cares?

  24. So if you're not a avid TV watching CNA with 8 children, does that mean that Dr Grumpy isn't a yak herder?

    I think that your sarcasm came through quite well and I'm not even from North America.

  25. So this is a copy of the response that I left on her blog. I repost it here for your amusement. What do you think?

    You link Nurse K on your blogroll, but complain about newnurseinthehood? Come on! I don't think I know of any blogger that uses sarcasm more on the internet than K.

    As for the disclaimer, have you never had someone claim that his or her sister/aunt/cousin/friend was a "nurse", only to find that they were a CNA, med aide, or a nanny? If someone pretends to be one of "those" people, then they 1. won't be asked for any actual medical advice, and 2. their writings won't be taken seriously as the writings as a nurse. That is, of course, if the reader interprets the writing in as concrete a fashion as you. If the writings are not interpreted as concrete, then they are pretty obviously a sarcastic rendering of a patient confidentiality disclaimer.

    As the blog in question is written as a form of stress release for the author- for the entertainment of the readers, then the mode of the disclaimer is entirely appropriate in my opinion. It obviously is not in yours. In that case I would ask that you not read or write about that blog, It is the simplest solution to your vexation.