No Ma'am.

You know, if you really want pain medicine, calling an ambulance twice probably isn't the worst start, but you probably shouldn't do it totally hammered in the early evening on a weekday, and then start your ER visit off with immediately swearing at anyone within earshot about how you hate this hospital. Also, trying to hit the physician with your cane from the stretcher is another no-no.

If you're trying to convince us you're sober enough to leave AMA now, probably continuing to climb over the stretcher rails to get to the pills in your purse is not the best way to do so. And no sober person tries to eat a sandwich that they dropped off of this floor. Seriously. Nobody. And most not intoxicated people don't try to seductively caress the arm of the paramedic applying their blood pressure cuff.

And- a quick tangent here- if you're serious about trying to bag a medic during your stay here, you should probably not wear low rise jeans with granny panties, and you'd probably have better luck with one who isn't young enough to be your son.

But, if you were not trying to get narcs, but instead just wanted to leave an impression on the staff here, then well played. Not only to we have all the awesome memories of you screaming to anyone who tried to touch you that you have syphilis, but we found pieces of your poorly constructed wig all over everything for at least the next week after your visit here.

You stay classy now.