Sunday, August 7, 2011

No Ma'am.

You know, if you really want pain medicine, calling an ambulance twice probably isn't the worst start, but you probably shouldn't do it totally hammered in the early evening on a weekday, and then start your ER visit off with immediately swearing at anyone within earshot about how you hate this hospital. Also, trying to hit the physician with your cane from the stretcher is another no-no.
If you're trying to convince us you're sober enough to leave AMA now, probably continuing to climb over the stretcher rails to get to the pills in your purse is not the best way to do so. And no sober person tries to eat a sandwich that they dropped off of this floor. Seriously. Nobody. And most not intoxicated people don't try to seductively caress the arm of the paramedic applying their blood pressure cuff.
And- a quick tangent here- if you're serious about trying to bag a medic during your stay here, you should probably not wear low rise jeans with granny panties, and you'd probably have better luck with one who isn't young enough to be your son.
But, if you were not trying to get narcs, but instead just wanted to leave an impression on the staff here, then well played. Not only to we have all the awesome memories of you screaming to anyone who tried to touch you that you have syphilis, but we found pieces of your poorly constructed wig all over everything for at least the next week after your visit here.
You stay classy now.


  1. "...screaming...that you have syphilis...". Classic.

  2. Wah, I am so glad I got out of the EMT profession before the really Good Drugs were invented. Jay-zus.

  3. AMA, let the patients go. Why do we try to talk people into staying who don't have insurance and obviously don't give a shit about themselves. They even tell us they will only drink and do drugs again within days of leaving.

  4. Apparently you can't really AMA when you're shiwasted so we had to make her stay or the police had to take her to jail. They were about to change shifts so they didn't want to deal with it but she spent most of the evening yelling at the cops, "Fucking take me to jail! I've been asking to go all day!"

  5. We love the calls from the hospital where the person is so drunk they stay or go to jail. The problem is the jails won't take them and make us take them to the hospital before they will be accepted as a prisoner.