Friday, August 19, 2011

In Which Much Swearing Will Ensue

Please allow me to go off on an angry little rant here and then we will continue with our regular programing of people putting various items in inappropriate places or people checking in for cold sores or whatever. So, here at Hood Hospital the fast track area is in a totally separate part of the department from the real shit so the ER doctors don't get distracted by the overwhelming scent of Trichomonas Vaginosis while they're trying to place central lines and stuff. Okay, it works out most of the time.
Except, somehow this has turned a bunch of the physicians into whiny little princesses who all of a sudden think they should not have to see a fast track patient ever again in their entire career. To which I say- bitches, please. One, just because it sound like a fast track patient does not mean it isn't emergency or it doesn't belong in the ER. Guess what? Vaginal bleeding can be a legit emergency. Yeah. I've figured that one out, and I haven't been to medical school, but apparently to some people, being an ER physician means acting like a complete douchebag to the charge nurse and throwing a fit like a three year old about seeing a patient here for vaginal bleeding. Really? Obviously you didn't trust us when we were telling you there were giant blood clots pouring off the side of the bed, but now that you've seen them yourself you wanna start barking off orders to us in front of the patient like we're the ones who have been lagging? Fuck off.
And two, even if they aren't critically ill, is it that hard to see the occasional lady complaint? I can see how you wouldn't want to take the time up when you have a lot of really sick people, but when the midlevel hasn't eaten or peed for 9 hours and you've got your feet up looking at Yahoo sports, would it kill you to help them out instead of staring at the tracker and screaming at the charge nurse about how there's one room that just opened up in fast track? You graduated medical school, you can insert a chest tube, you can read your own x rays, don't tell me you can't figure out how to navigate a vagina. It really isn't hard. See that hole inside that other hole? Yeah, scrape some stuff off of that and send it to lab. There you go.
Okay, maybe that's still too complicated. That's okay. How about a cough? How about a toothache? Yeah, I know People of Walmart is hilarious, I love it too, but I'm pretty sure a mob with torches and pitchforks is actually forming in triage right now. Do you think you could prevent the death of the nurse at the desk up there and maybe just see some of these simple things that have been out there for 5 hours now? No, great.
You know, that must be awesome. I hate inserting NG tubes and doing orthostatic vital signs. The next time you order that maybe I'll just refuse to do it because I don't like to and see how long it takes me to get fired. Excellent. That's just the kind of professionalism and teamwork we need around an ER that's now a total shit storm all the time. Stupid assholes.


  1. pls email me which doc this was. i already have a feeling. send it to my work email

    er doc

  2. I cannot believe I JUST NOW found you. You are hilarious. And I'm pretty sure either I've worked in the same ER, or some of our docs shared a cubbyhole in med school ;). Sing it, sister.

  3. It never fails to amaze me at how some doctors can be so completely and fucking un-professional. It's like the figure it's their job to treat everyone like shit so we respect them more?