Friday, August 26, 2011

The Chief Complaint That Wouldn't Die

You wanna know what I really, really, more than anything, wish I could say I had only seen once? Well, whatever, I'm gonna tell you anyway. Yeah. Virginity checks. In the ER.
We see this way more often than you would think. It always goes down the same way. Parent finds teenage girl in compromising position with boyfriend, parent immediately drags teenage girl to the ER to find out just how far stuff went, usually with a little STD check/pregnancy test thrown into the mix for good measure (because these tests are very accurate within matter of hours, of course). I also wish I could say we don't touch this foolishness when it comes in, but I'd be lying. If it wasn't bad enough that we're now the local STD clinic, we're now expected to be the local STD clinic for underage girls against their will. Awesome.
So, anyway, I get another one the other day- 13 year old girl with her mom, same story. Great. Homegirl is wearing some kind of athletic short/panty hybrid to the ER, which is think is actually probably a greater infection risk in our waiting room than sexual contact with another teen, but I digress. Mom is going through the whole story, daughter never looks up from her phone. Oh, and while we're here, toddler sibling has also had a runny nose for a week. Why the hell not.
Eventually they go back to a room-I walk by it later on the way to the vending machine. Mom is face down in bed, snoring, while the toddler is running around the room screaming, and the teenage girl is sitting in the corner continuing to text.
Sigh. At this point, I don't really have to say it, do I?


  1. WTF?
    And I totally agree about the waiting room!

  2. I always wonder y parents think if they let their daughters go out looking like hoochies, y they aren't going to act like them too.

  3. hmmm maybe mom paid more attention to the kids they wouldn't jump into guys pants to get the attention they are not getting from home....sheesh

  4. "Why the hell not." Love it!!!