Friday, May 25, 2012

You're Doing it WRONG

If you call me on the call light to tell me you're having a seizure, nope, I'm gonna go ahead and say that is not what's happening.
Also, I'm gonna have to take off ten points for you changing your complaint to chest pain after I walk into the room and tell you, "If you can call to say it's happening, obviously it's not a seizure."
Also, assaulting the staff and then pretending to be altered will not get you narcotics. What will it get you?
-a psych consult, who will confirm what we all know, that you are F.O.S.  (yeah, telling the psych dude that you're totally happy and well adjusted but you attacked the nurse because she pissed you off is poor strategy, BTW)
-600 of Motrin
-A full toxicology and cardiac workup
-A saline bolus
-a straight cath
- a trip to jail after you continue to try to assault the staff after you've admitted there is no medical or psychiatric reason for you doing so other than you just being a dick.
You've got a lot of work to do, buddy. At least now you have a quiet-ish place with minimal distractions to think about the most effective way to obtain Dilau-da in the future.


  1. LOL! Sounds familiar, I've never had someone assault me. Sometimes I wish they'd try, so I could have the pleasure of getting them arrested!

  2. Very familiar! So funny..

  3. CNA walks up to me in a calm fashion. Nice kid, but really new to the job. "Bed 7 is having a seizure." Monitor looks fine- "How can you tell?" "She told me she was."

  4. Years ago we had one dud on a general med surg floor that had major issues, ine day he ran over someone's foot with his wheelchair then barricaded her in the med room. When we got powers to be to get him sent to a locked psych unit they were familiar with him, and could not believe we lasted several weeks with him on a general public floor!