8 mg Morphine IM
Vicodin 5 mg po
Zofran 4 mg po
Yeah, how about 6oo mg of Motrin and a swift kick in the ass? Really? Listen, I am not unsympathetic to the cause of menstrual cramps but this shit is getting ridiculous. I just don't understand. If you have pain and you know what's causing it, since when do you need to go to the ER? I had pretty horrible cramps until I got on birth control, and when I got them, I took some Midol and curled up in fetal position with a heating pad and dry heaved like a normal person. Now when I get them I just drink margaritas until the pain stops. No ER necessary.
Even if you don't think this is acceptable solution, take for example a friend of mine who has legit, documented lady problems that cause her to have the cramps from hell. She goes to her doctor, who prescribes her Vicodin, which she takes AT HOME. By the way, she is a college student who works and she is uninsured. So no, as far as I'm concerned there is no excuse for this foolishness.
Unless... maybe this is first line treatment now. Sign me up! I'll be there in a little less than a week, which is probably why I'm so crabby. Have the Propofol ready, I'd like to be asleep for the first three days of this. I'll take some Phenergan for my nausea and some Lasix for my bloating too, if you don't mind.