Ugh. I hate to say I'm burned out, but I might be burned out. I'm at least on the crispy side. New job is overall a better run operation in terms of moving patients and generally getting shit done. In my opinion, ratios here are still insane and border on dangerous for a nurse with my experience level. I feel some genuine fear for the new nurses here, especially with the hubris that some of them have, which is a whole other post. Add to the mix that I seem to be a massive shit magnet ( I can't remember the last shift that one of my patients hasn't ended up in critical care-usually it's multiple) and I'm in staffing getting my ass handed to me every single day and I'm starting to ask myself what the hell I'm doing here.
I mean. I started in the ER because I wanted to push myself and I wanted to learn. I've learned a lot, and I'm still learning, but I'm starting to wonder at what point subjecting myself to this amount of physical punishment no longer worth it. I know flu season is going to be rough- I feel like I'm back at Hood Hospital what with my lack of lunch and pee breaks lately. The frustrating thing is that if this place was staffed appropriately the burden wouldn't be nearly as heavy on everyone, but they've made it pretty clear they're done hiring for the time being. The sure do keep filling up the beds regardless of the amount of nurses, though, hence the unsafe ratios.
I don't know. I'm not actively looking and part of me wants to wait until I can actually get some trauma experience- I kinda want to muscle through the worst season and then reevaluate after that. The other part of me says screw you guys, don't have to take this crap. I don't have to work at an inner city hospital. Making the switch has made me realize I can work just about anywhere. I think I probably have figured out the people skills part of this job enough to go work at a fancy pants country club ER where my patient ratios are actually guaranteed and based on acuity if I want. I might end up being bored, but maybe I wouldn't be day dreaming about quitting nursing and becoming a bartender.
I'm really torn. I really love working in the area where I work, and I want to keep fighting the good fight. But I can't keep getting my ass handed to me on a daily basis with no relief in sight. I've done this once already, and it isn't worth it.