Ew.

I'm dealing with the same generalized abdominal pain with no distress in an otherwise healthy 20-something gal (aka disposition 99% of the time= you probably need to fart) but, okay, sure, maybe you really have ruptured appendicitis with peritonitis and that's why you're talking on your cell phone and you keep asking for a sandwich tray.  Anyway.

I send this girl off for a urine sample, come back and pop an IV in her real quick, draw labs and label them, and I go to look for her urine.  Um, hey lady, where is your urine?

"Oh, yeah, mmmhmm," she says, pausing her conversation on her bedazzled iPhone while DIGGING INTO HER PURSE AND PULLING OUT HER SAMPLE CUP that was also overflowing with urine BY THE WAY.   What the hell? And it wasn't even like a crap canvas bag from target or some shit like I carry around, no, this was like, a coach bag that was probably equal to 2-3 payments on my car. "Self pay" patients usually carry bags like this to the ER because they are all independently wealthy entrepreneurs that don't NEED health insurance.  Or something.  But anyway, gross.  

Girl, I sure hope you throw away all of the makeup that was touching that cup because when you come back in here next week for some eye infection secondary to what you just did to all your shadows and liners down there, I absolutely want no part of it. What a waste. She probably had nice makeup, too.