Saturday, April 21, 2012

Free Medical Advice for the Kids

Okay, kids. If the date is April 20th, fill in any year you please, and one of your classmates offers you a baked good, say, a brownie, and after eating said brownie, you feel weird, chances are, yeah. You're probably high right now. I have several friends who experience this sensation regularly who tell me that eating taquitos while watching cartoons and then sleeping a long time may be helpful. Usually this is sufficient.
Rarely does this necessitate making your poor mom (who has work tomorrow) take you to the ER to wait for hours for a full cardiac and neuro workup which she will in turn have to pay for as well. Just sleep it off. Or, uh, go to a hospital where the doctor doesn't think CIPS are necessary for the chief complaint of "my head feels weird". Or stop taking desserts from the kid in the Bob Marley shirt.
Now that we've learned something, it's time for some bonus questions:
What is the appropriate gauge IV in this scenario?
If the pot brownie is ingested at 1400 and the average ER wait time is 5 hours, how long will it take for the patient to be asymptomatic and sleeping when the doctor comes to examine him/her?
What is the therapeutic affect of a banana bag on a 15 year old who ate a pot brownie?
Make sure to show your work.

13 comments:

  1. I am really, really surprised that there was no mention of Cheetos in this post. :0)

    P.S. New reader, not a nurse, but LOVE your blog!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm totally hanging my head in shame right now. MISSED OPPORTUNITY.

      Delete
  2. ooo, a quiz!! ok

    a. this patient does not need an IV. this patient does not actually need to be in the ED. but knowing how people are, how about a 20 g in one AC and an 18 in the other.

    b. the patient is most definitely sleeping at 1900, and probably before that out in the waiting room.

    c. a banana bag? pssh. i don't suppose you forgot to mention that the 15 year old is also a raging alcoholic?

    your blog is great!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I hear doritos, beavis and butthead, and a nap on a couch cures this...

    ReplyDelete
  4. If they get paranoid, then pointing a toy gun at them is fun.

    ReplyDelete
  5. You absolutely can never overdose on any amount of cannabis brownies. You can eat the whole tray. No such thing as a cannabis OD. Why are they wasting their time in ED when they could be home eating everything in their cupboards? Honestly. This younger generation!

    When I throw away my RN, my retirement is going to be all about eating brownies. By then it will be legal for sure here where I live. The higher ups are working on it.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've never wished I could like a comment in blogger so bad. Add another hash mark to the my husbands "advantages of moving to Canada" list.

      Delete
    2. Another hash mark, eh? Well played!

      Delete
  6. I presented this banana bag issue to our beloved Community ED Doc - who has 20 years' trauma experience. His assessment was, "Uh... no therapeutic effect. He needs to go home, listen to the Allman Brothers, and go to sleep. Y'know, have his mom buy him a lava lamp, the whole bit." Then he walked off chuckling.

    Love your blog!!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. bahahha banana bag? How about a few bag of chips, the couch and a good night sleep...sheesh lets suck the poor mom's income why don't we.

    ReplyDelete
  8. trauma drama was 100 percent correct, but I would like to add that a banana bag will make him have to pee. a LOT.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I believe the more retarded your chief complaint the larger the bore.

    ReplyDelete
  10. See, the therapeutic effect actually manifests in the ordering provider, whereby it prevents anxiety of nontreatment as treatment.

    ReplyDelete