Do you think, though, that maybe, just maybe you could try to do me a solid back by not making the 5 minutes actually 30 minutes, or asking me if I filled out the medication form 3 different times? Listen once and you'll save lots of energy in the future. Do you think a sarcastic "really?" is the most appropriate response to the fact that the patient has a 24 gauge IV that flushes very well? Sorry, if I could use voodoo to conjure up veins in dehydrated 98 year old DNR patients whose families rightfully don't want to put them through getting a central line, I totally would, but we didn't have a lesson in ancient magic during my internship. And while we're on that subject, I was also never trained in divination, so I don't know how to answer the question "what is her blood pressure going to be when she gets to me?" Also, riotous laughter about how shocked you are that an ER nurse actually did a skin assessment when I tell you my patient has non-blanching redness on her sacrum is not necessarily the most appropriate response, just so you know. Sorry if on the days I have a combative psych patient, a call light happy drug seeker and I dying ICU patient that I don't immediately think to run into the room of my immobile, non-verbal nursing home patient to explore what's happening under the diaper. I know that makes me an atrocious nurse and I should probably quit right now.
Seriously. It's so good we don't do bedside reporting. There would be so, so much more punching, that that's unprofessional.