OH REALLY.

That's all I want to say whenever I get put in triage. To everyone. I try so hard not to be a hateful bitch by the end of the night, but it's pretty much inevitable. I always get super excited when I get to go up there because I actually get so sit down and pee occasionally, and then about 3 hours in I'm like, "Oh, that's right. I hate this, and I hate EVERYONE. I need a drink." Last night was pretty much a lost cause from the start, since I came in 2 hours early. Just a few observations:

It should probably go without saying, but ambulances that go to triage always seem to result in giant WTF moments. Like the genius who called the ambulance because he took a Norco on an empty stomach and then got nauseous. I checked him out as he was rolling into the waiting room and asked how many pills he took, his symptoms, etc. One. His stomach hurts. Not impressed, check in over there please. When I got to triaging him 8 minutes later, he had magically developed chest pain, and by the way, pain everywhere also. Um. No. Why did you call the ambulance? Oh, for that stomach pain? Oh, okay, sit down in the waiting room please, and stop attempting to get ahead in line by using tomfoolery. We are smarter than you, thanks. Or my favorite, possibly ever- this 19 year old kid comes in via EMS for a fever he's had for 3 days. Hasn't taken Tylenol or Motrin because he "couldn't get to it" even though he "really tried". Sweet. So he waits about 3 hours, my charge nurse finally walks up and calls him back to a room and he sits there and straight up ignores him. He calls again. Nothing. He's about to mark him as left without being seen when I go out and tap him on the shoulder. "Hey, he's trying to call you back now. Do you wanna get seen for your fever?" To which he responded, "No, I'm about to go to the house. I'll be back tomorrow." Even though he was literally about to be seen. He then precedes to sit there and continue watching TV in the waiting room. WHAT. I think he may actually have taken the ambulance to come to the ER and watch TV. I don't want to believe this is true.

On a continued note- getting your ass kicked is not necessarily an emergency. If you don't really have any marks on you, or you have a few bruises, you can go home. Coming here and getting discharged with a contusion after bringing all your drama up here isn't going to help your case or anything. On a related note, last night was 100% agg assault/ pregnancy test special. "Oh, I missed my period by 2 days. I may have a little sea monkey baby in here that could have been affected when that girl in the club hit me in the face. I need a pregnancy test." Fool, please. Take your ass to Dollar Tree. This is not a one stop shop.

The more you try to do something for someone, worse they behave. Oh, thanks for putting me in a triage room and calling RT to get me breathing treatments while I wait. Why don't I repay you by leaving without being seen or giving you the courtesy of telling you doing so, even though I have a nebulizer at home? Cool, you're gonna let me hang up here while you call someone to remove my sutures in triage so I don't have to wait to go back to a room? Why don't I walk in and out and bug the shit out of you while you're trying to care for actual sick people? I'll make sure to swear really loud and generally act like a drunken fool.

I'm gonna start making people include "incapable of acting right" as one of their medical problems. At least I'll see it coming then.