Dear nurses?/clowns?/hobos someone is paying to take care of sick elderly people?:
Please stop. Seriously. Stop sending stupid stupid shit to the ER ALL THE TIME. Even as I say this, I know it is absolutely too much to ask for you to stop sending over patients for lab values that were drawn two weeks ago that are abnormal, but have been treated already, instead of just calling the doctor. I know it's really a lot to ask for you to take a second blood pressure before sending a patient over for hypotension, so that we don't get them here and waste our time working up a patient with a pressure of 120/80. I know that's really a little too much to expect.
I won't even ask this of you. But please advise, just for next time-
If EMTs show up to your "CPR in progress" and the patient is looking at you and looking around the room while you do compressions, they probably always had a pulse. You just didn't feel the pulse because you are terrible at being a nurse and you should stop forever.
A "little grandma seizure" is not a thing. A Grand Mal seizure is a thing, but they don't come in little size. Only grand. Like grande. Or large.
If you walk into a room to find your patient cold, pulseless, and in rigor mortis, they have been dead for some time. Please don't call an ambulance. Call the funeral home. Quit doing compressions. You're just beating up a corpse.
Nausea is not a reason to stop all medicines. Especially when said medicines are for seizures or diabetes.
Also, guys. I'm really sorry to keep I keep interupting you at night. I know you're very busy sleeping or watching Cheaters, and that you just got here and you don't know anything about this patient, but sometimes I just have to call and check just to make sure you're serious. I know I shouldn't really be surprised by anything at this point, but you guys always manage to out do yourselves.
Congrats on that,
xoxo, Hood Nurse