Sounds of the ER

So, to no surprise to anyone who's read this blog for any period of time, I've spent just about every second I've had off this 3 day work stretch watching NHL all star coverage. One of my favorite parts of watching it, second to Henrik Lundqvist in a suit (ohhh yeah, click that link and soak up the Swedish hotness ladies) is the "sounds of the game" feature where they mic up the players and record the sometimes borderline inappropriate shit they say while playing and everything going on around them.

Yeah, well, maybe I was trying to go to my happy place, but I was thinking about all this tonight when I got not just one, but a rapid succession of screamers. In all these cases, you could actually hear the patient rolling in the ambulance door- the first was a high pitched scream followed by a string of obscenities from the nursing home patient they brought me at shift change with a GI bleed. We literally couldn't get her out of the little ball she has wrapped herself in to hook her up to the monitor, until one of our paramedics came in. When he started talking to her, she started screaming, " I love you darlin'! Kiss me baby!" and spit EVERYWHERE. It was pretty excellent. She became pretty social after that and started yelling at me about how I was pretty- unfortunately, she wasn't doing so great, so she had to get moved into one of the critical care rooms, and was rapidly replaced by another screaming patient. This one would probably be the alto to her soprano though, and was a little less verbal, although she made up for it in volume. Across the ER, you could hear the "ARRRggghhaaaahhhhhh! Ahhhhrrrrahhhh" clear as day. She was also pretty into pinching and hitting while attempting to climb out of bed, so we sure did have to restrain her and keep her down in the ER all night because the floor could not handle the madness at that time.

So, late that night we had the token drunk patient that had to end up in my psych room (18 pack of beer, ya'll!) who felt that moaning was the best way to get another warm blanket, despite the fact he could talk and had the call light easily within his reach. So, I'm trying to get these folks paperwork in order and medicate my one walky-talky "normal" patient when they both start in at once. Along with his monitor alarms (because they go off for anything and everything), it was like sweet music.

He and his wife were clearly disturbed. How do you even explain that? So I was just like, "Yup. Sounds of the ER. Here, have some more Morphine. And let me shut this door." Poor dude.