Hood nurse: Haayy young patient with foolish complaint who's getting admitted because you're non-compliant with your beetus and blood pressure meds! I know you've been asking for some pain meds for a while now and that Dilaudid has been working pretty well, but the admitting MD isn't having that shit so it's time for you to get some Lortab! Whee!
Patient: Well, I don't think that's a good idea. I can't swallow a pill. I feel like my throat's closin' up (ed note: satting 100% on room air) They been givin' me that Dilaudid through the IV.
Hood nurse: Uh huh. Well, can you drink water? Cause I bet we could get you some liquid Lortab, we just have to get it from the pharmacy.
Patient: Well, that doesn't even matter, because also, I'm allergic to that and ya'll should have that in my chart. Yeah.
Hood Nurse: Hrm. Well, I sure don't. I just don't know why. Let me note that for you so they don't try to give you a prescription for that when they discharge you. I'll go let the doctor know right now.
Patient: Well, let him know that I'm allergic to anything for pain that isn't Dilaudid.
Hood nurse: Really?
Patient: Yeah. I can only get Dilaudid. I don't remember what all that other stuff is called but I'm allergic to all of it.
Seriously? Fail. Listen, lying to my face is one thing, but do you have to be so effin lazy about it? I mean, seriously? At least memorize "toradol" and "fentanyl" and come back when you're ready to come drug seek with your shit prepared. That's just disrespectful.