Some people might think that competency in a critical care situation, or knowing how to titrate drip, or some shit, is the true marker of being experienced. I'm coming to terms with being experienced, I guess. I mean, it's been nearly four years, and I'm more experienced than most of the people I work with, so whatever, sure. But let me tell you. At least for me, I knew how to titrate Nicardipine and Levophed, like, year one, because my patients were sick as hell all day everyday.
Naw, real experience has to do with dealing with shit like this:
So, dude presents with a butt abscess or some equally unrelated shit, it really makes zero difference, but upon discharge, dude is all, "Um, let me ax you a medical question"
and I'm all "Sure, shoot"
and he's all "It's personal"(translation it's about teh secks)
and I'm all "aw fuck"
and he's like "So my girlfriend (who BT-Dubs eds note is sitting right there) thinks I can't get a boner b/c I don't like her but it's not like that, I totally dig her but it's not happening for some reason."
So year one nurse me would have blushed and been all "I'm sorry, I can't answer that" but experienced me was like "Look, I don't know for sure because I don't even know you like that, but what you need to do is find you a doctor, and make sure everything is all good with your health and your penis and all that. And if everything is OK on that front, you guys should probably see a counselor or something, but imma start with this referral to a doctor, any questions? Okay, great, bye."
Yeah, for real. I hate to break the hearts of you new nurses, but this is mostly the type of clinical skill you'll gain after 2 and a half years of this foolishness.
Edited to add: apparently "butt access" is not a real thing, at least in the context I meant it. For future reference, one drink before blogging is totally okay but 3 is too many. The more you know....