Ugggh. You can always tell when Dr.Septic Workups and Dilaudid for everyone has been on for a few days, because there will always be shit-tons of holds in the ER. Because he single-handedly fills up the entire hospital by admitting everyone. His behavior is so notoriously ridiculous that I've seen it lead to multiple hospitalists having public meltdowns, including one of my favorites, an awesome Vietnamese doctor, who once famously exclaimed to him at the nurses station, "I cannot take this many patients! You fuck me over!"
If a patient still requests more pain medicine after the insane amounts of Dilaudid he usually prescribes, he will admit them for "intractable _____ pain" and order some ridiculous regimen like 3 of Dilaudid Q 2 hours until the hospitalist sees it and changes it to something reasonable because, I don't know, maybe they like their patients breathing. Which often leads to huge confrontations and AMA signing, own IV pulling dramz when the abrupt Dila-da cutoff is discovered by the patient, but hey, at least that's one more hold that can get a bed?
Anyways, this is all standard procedure at this point, deliver us lest we receive a complaint from a drug seeker. I guess I get it. Why bother fighting when you can admit people for whatever they want and make them happy? However, that still leaves me without an explanation for his most recent insane admitting diagnosis: "acute alcohol intoxication", The BAC in question? 0.12. In a 23 year old. With no other medical history. Who, with homeboy's crazy long dispo times, was most likely under the legal limit by the time his bed request was put in. Awesome. Way to reduce they unnecessary medical costs you're always bitching about, guy. A good friend of mine was taking care of this one, so we had a field day with it.
"0.12, huh? Dude, I guarantee that my BAC was higher than that last weekend. And I'm pretty sure you bought me one of those drinks. Obviously, I needed to get admitted to the hospital and I just went home and ate macaroni and cheese. Why did you not call me an ambulance? You're a shitty friend."
"Right? We should always come up here after we drink. We've been playing with fire all this time when we were out eating pancakes and stuff."
Seriously, though. If we're going to start doing this we need to have a whole new wing that's open only for this purpose on weekends and holidays. Bring on the life saving banana bags!