Saturday, June 5, 2010

Am I getting punk'd?

Seriously? My "orientation" to triage (I've done it multiple times, but apparently we were doing the ESI system wrong I had be reeducated 1984 style) really seemed like a prank training exercise along the lines of the "bambalance" 911 call. Not only was it dirty P and Vag G night- how we are not MSE-ing these idiots, I don't know, what the hell, go to the health department with your clap please, thanks- but I think I saw some of the stupidest complaints EVER.
Guy brought his daughter in because she closed her finger in a drawer a week and a half ago. Her nail was still black. It didn't hurt.
Guy came in for a "rash" on his chin that was clearly acne. ACNE. Good lord. Get some soap and wash your face. This is not an emergency.
My favorite, however, was the guy who came in because he couldn't maintain an erection. Seriously, bro. Your boners are not an emergent issue. GTFO. The worst part was, he actually talked the doctor into prescribing him Viagra! Bitch, please! That is not going to discourage behavior like this. I can see the GlaxoSmithKline commercials now... if you feel like erections are a problem for you, go to the nearest ER, maybe even in an ambulance, and demand Viagra by brand name. You totally need a pill as opposed to the real answer for why your bird has quit and is no longer legit. Discussing it with your doctor will take longer because he will ask questions, as opposed to this ER doctor who will just give you what you want so you will shut up. If you have an erection lasting longer than 4 hours, seek medical attention in that same ER because they probably deserve it.


  1. we get a lot of calls such as the above...people packed and ready to go to ER, then last minute - call us to see if they should....basically in all the cases above they would be told to stay home and home treat or make an appointment some time with their own MD. Our Stats show that a huge % of people are diverted from the ER... some times you just have to shake your head...

  2. I love reading about all the foolishness you have to deal with. It makes me sad for the human race but it is so very entertaining!

  3. Hey, not being able to maintain an erection can be an emergency for most men. Although an ER is the last place to go. Plus I love those "if you have an erection lasting longer than 4 hours to the nearest ER." Hell if I had one that long I'd be at the bunny ranch in Nevada!

  4. I know it must be frustrating but your job provides lots of entertainment for us readers!!!

    Also, just wanted to let you know I left a little something for you over on my blog. :)