it's wrong to laugh at psych patients. It is. And I generally feel a lot of compassion towards people who have legitimate psych illness, which this lady certainly had. But tell me if you could keep a straight face through this conversation:
Me: What brought you to the hospital today?
Patient: Well, my heart is beating fast. I had a double heart attack. And my face burns.
Me: Okay. What kind of medical problems to you have, ma'am?
Pt: Well, I have maggots in my eyes and on my face. I have the pneumonia in my stomach. I also have tires, cement, and plates in my stomach.
Me: When did you have your period last?
Pt: I have it all the time, in different places. I have it in my arms.
Me: Well, when did all this start?
Pt: Well, I guess it all started.. with Buckwheat. You remember Buckwheat?
Me: From the Little Rascals? Yeah, I remember him.
Pt: Well, I was giving Buckwheat oral pleasure, and he ejaculated on my face. Now my face burns.
Me: Alright. Well, I'm gonna go give the doctor your chart now. Do you need anything?
Pt: Yeah. Some alcohol wipes to get this off my face.
Me: Okay, I'll let your nurse know.
I don't know if I can really capture why it was funny other than how lucid she was about other things- she could tell us her doctors name and address- and how nonchalant she was about everything she was telling me, like, yeah, you know, Buckwheat, oral pleasure. Whatever. Everyday stuff. The fact that was her reality was sad, but discussing things like that in that manner was oddly funny. I went ahead and skipped the questions about her flu shot, though.