Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Attempting to sound smart- LOLZ

I believe I've expressed myself pretty clearly in the past about my opinion on medically ignorant asshats who try and tell me my business, but the family member I dealt with the other day really took the cake. The patient this lady was with had somehow managed to get into a car accident where there was a two-seater with 4 people and some alcohol involved. Apparently at some point she had been hit by some part of the car and cut her knee open, so I came in to give her a tetanus and antibiotic shot. I told them what each was for while the patient talked on her cell phone with one of her 800 family members that was at the hospital that night, and as soon as I finished talking, her sister asks "Is one of them shots for pain?". Nope. I literally just told you what those shots were for. Listen. So I explain myself again. "NO. NAW. She need somethin' for pain." I tell her that I will ask the doctor as soon as I finish giving the shots I've drawn up and proceed to try and go ahead and give the shots. "No! NAW! She need somethin' for pain NOW. Where's the head doctor at? I don't care. I'll talk to the head doctor if I have to. She need something for pain. You don't understand. Her PHYSICAL BODY was STRUCK BY THE CAR. Her physical body. She was physically hit by a car."
A few things. I don't even know how to start really, so I think I'll present my points high school essay style:

Introduction: Oh hell no.

1. Body paragraph-Keep your panties on.
a. I literally just said I would ask the doctor.
b. There is no head doctor. There's the ER doctor, who I just said I would ask.
c. There's especially no head doctor at 2 AM on Christmas morning.

2. Body paragraph-Your sister is totally not dying.
a. If she was well enough to ask someone for a pair of socks when she came in, she'll be okay for a second.
b. If she's well enough to be talking on her phone, she'll be okay for a second.
c. Where the hell are her socks, anyway? It's 20 degrees outside.
d. If her grown ass is well enough to be attempting to grab the damn needle out of my hand, she's probably okay.

3. Body paragraph- You're an idiot
a.Her physical body? As opposed to her metaphysical body?
b. Was her spirit also struck by the car?
c. Don't try to sound smart when your grasp of simple grammar is not beyond that of most of the 5 year olds I see.

Conclusion: WTF.
There. I feel so much more clear headed and organized now. I unfortunately couldn't say any of those things, so I just went out and asked the doctor with syringes in hand. They were seemingly satisfied after that- the patient actually thanked me when I gave the shots and told me I was good at it, that she could hardly feel it. When our registration representative went to collect their co-pay, her sister mentioned that she wanted to talk to someone in administration because I had been pulling the skin too hard and she knew I was intentionally trying to hurt her sister when I gave the shots. Nevermind that's how IM injections are supposed to be given, or that her sister was about 100 pounds overweight and I had to push her rolls out of the way to hit the muscle. Wow. I'd like to suggest a minimum IQ requirement for sending our Press-Ganey cards, please.


  1. The way you outlined your response to her idiocy would have made any high school English teacher proud. It's entries like this that make me say "my friends are so danged cool!"

  2. Next time u run into this situation, you can certainly tell them that indirectly the shots you are giving are going to prevent pain....last I saw both a raging infection and tetany are both quite uncomfortable..... ;)